Going up a mountain

When I reached the trailhead it was snowing
I thought about turning back
But I got out of the car and got going
My rucksack on my back

.

The mountain was shrouded in forest
The trail rose steeply at first
As I walked I found myself hostage
To my habit of fearing the worst

.

The woods looked alien and hostile
And I couldn’t quite settle my breath
I slipped on some ice and I fretted:
What happens if I break my leg?

.

I’m alone, so alone on this mountain
That I climb on a cold, winter’s day
I came here to find something forgotten
What it is though I cannot quite say

.

In a while my breathing relaxes
But my head’s still messy with thoughts
They pull me along like an eddy
As I try to recall what I was taught:

.

Thoughts are not you, they’re phenomenon
Just the same as the falling of snow
See them with the indifference you see weather
And the distance between you will grow

.

But learning the lesson is one thing
Applying it is a whole different game
Divesting yourself of the fabricated self
Shedding a history of shame    

.

At the top an old fire tower stands helpless
One more thing we left out in the rain
Slowly coming apart with the passing of time
Its decline covered up with fresh paint

.

The descent brings a peace unexpected  
As I am enclosed once again by the trees  
I watch myself move with a feeling of youth
And something in me seems to go free

.

I feel ancient and grave like a rock form
I feel childish, as new as this day
And I’m coming apart with the passing of time
Who I am I can no longer say

.
 
I’m alone, so alone on this mountain
That I climb in the first snows of the year
I came here to find something forgotten  
In the silence it will all become clear.  

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